LOL this is madness. Read...
"My dear Nigerian Americans,we are good like that. Our brother Victor Daniel has taken time to write some guidelines you might be needing.. You're welcome.
Good morning to everyone, especially Nigerian Americans. They need it most. Happy elections. Don't think I'm crazy for greeting you happy elections, in Nigeria we greet people about everything. You have to get used to this now because you are coming back home. So, Eku election.
I very much understand that you will soon be sent packing from there, so I have taken it upon myself to prepare you for the transition. You have just a little time left there, utilize that time to learn more about Nigeria that you are coming back to.
In Nigeria, we don't have light. Buy power bank while coming. Don't say I didn't tell you. Buy power Bank from there because the ones here are just like your marriages, they don't last. Buy a quality one from the abroad when coming. Also, make sure you charge your phone full before coming here. You should also save money for generator. Buy rechargeable lamps and plenty torchlight too.
Also, save enough money for subscription. There is no free WiFi here. For those of you that will be settling in Lokoja, Jidenna and Co, I'll advice you to buy a glo line. Their network is strong.
Save enough money for emergency transport. You will be deported to Nigeria and by the time you get to the airport, you will need to board a keke from the airport to the badagry refugee centre, from where your ancestors had been shipped to America before. Fuel don cost, transport don increase.
Do you eat moi moi? Learn it. In Nigeria you cannot sit down and order pizza anytime you want. The only order you can make is when you yell to the moi moi seller across the road to bring hot moi moi for you.
Learn proper home training. In Nigeria the only time the police will arrest your parents for hitting you is after you are dead already. And they will later settle the case as "a family affair". If you think you can come here to speak 'innit' for your parents, it's the neighbours that will help them beat you.
Are you a graduate? Doesn't matter. There is no job. Your American accent will not give you a job, except your father knows someone who knows another person that knows a politician, you won't have a job.
Dear American Lover Boy, Nnewi girl will not go Dutch with you. As a matter of fact, no Naija girl will go Dutch with you. You have to prove your masculinity by paying for the date. No one is splitting the bills with you when you take a girl on a date.
When you bruise with a stranger in the market, PLEASE CHECK IF YOUR PENIS IS STILL INTACT.
Learn the Nigerian names of common products. No one will sell "sausage rolls" for you. If you can't call it the Nigerian name- "Gala", no one would have time for you. Noodles is "Indomie". Pasta is "spaghetti". All seasoning is "maggi".
These are some of the basic tips to help you adapt after you have been deported. More to come".
Wednesday, November 9, 2016
Sunday, November 6, 2016
Women and the chase for Mr Right, " Matters Arising"
If you are reading this article, please don't get me twisted. I'm just expressing my views or opinions, on some certain issues, on woman that needed to be addressed. When one ask some ladies in Nigeria what kind of man would they like to settle down with, believe me the answers you will get, will make you to ask where can you find such type of men. Some will say, I need a tall, handsome guy, that is God fearing, respectful, faithful, intelligent, rich guy that will brings me a breakfast on the bed, takes me on vacations, love me for who l am and would never cheat on me. Then ladies sorry but you need to get clay and make him by yourself.
So if an average guy is knocking, without all these qualifications, they will ignore the person like as Linda Ikeji is claiming that she has been ignoring so many men because she cannot marry a poor man. Don't you know that a poor man today can be a rich man tomorrow? If Obasanjo can come out from the prison and became a president and a rich man today, why do you think that you can predict tomorrow? Even those rich men you are looking for, do you know their backgrounds?. Some of them were poor, some their parents were the poorest people in their villages. And these are the reasons many ladies end up being single because they have missed the perfect man God has destined for them. And the moment they get to 35years and above, you will see the desperation in some of them.
Linda Ikeji thinks she will be beautiful forever, when she is 40 and plus, her tone will change to "I can marry any man that God wants me to marry". Believe me there are some evil spirit that is manipulating these girls because all those men that are taking them to Oriental, Eko hotel to sleep with them, buys cars and houses to them and all of you are forming big girls. Don't you know that they have been taking your lock in the spiritual realm? One girl I met one certain time told me, let's go and have a dinner at Oriental Hotel, stay at the pool side and drink some cocktails maybe we can spend a night there if I want. And this was a girl I was planing to settle down with. I told her that instead of me to pay 60,000 a night at the Oriental hotel, I wil give it to you to take little care of yourself. If you sleep there today, tomorrow will you be able to sleep there again. I live in Europe, so all those things doesn't empress me. Some of you are living a fake life, that is why most of you end up meeting a wrong guy that lives a fake and borrowed life.
Come on ladies let us tell ourselves the simple truth about men, all of you in this your day dream need to change. You can never find a perfect man in this world. If you are looking for mr right or a perfect man, believe me. You will wait for the rest of your life and yet you will not be able to see that kind of man. Same thing applies to men. Please men if you are looking for miss right or a perfect woman, you can never find a miss right or a perfect woman in this world. All you need is to ask God to give you a man or a woman that can understand and tolerate you. I know you will be asking how do I find this kind of man or woman that will understand and tolerate me? It is in your door step. You have seen or met that man in your life before but because you were only capitalizing on the weak side of the man or the in perfect side of the man, you could not wait to see the perfect side of the man. That is why, your relationship with some of them crashed. There are things you need to remove from the meat before you can eat the meat.
Finding a perfect man for marriage is very difficult because, sometimes when you found a handsome man, don't be surprised that his brain is empty or he is a player. You mistakenly found a brilliant and an educated man, he feels he is always right making the relationship more complicated. You found a rich man, he is disrespectful, he hardly has time for you because there are other girls that are competing with you so he believes most of you are only carried away with his wealth. Sometimes, he might take you to the best restaurants, do shopping for you, take you to the best hotel in town, take you to a lunch at Oriental hotel, or Eko hotel but does he respect you? Or do you think respect is only when a man is praising you with sweet words and gifts? No you are getting it all wrong. When a man is doing that for the past 6 months to 2years, you are only his sex slave. You know men are greedy in terms of women, they don't want to leave you, and they don't want to marry you. All he does is to keep you even if the only option is to be buying you some gift, he will gladly do it.
You found an illiterate man, he gets angry each time you correct him. You found a smart man, he lies every time. You might wonder why some men lie? Men lie to women because women fall in love for what they hear, that is why men lie to them. Then you found a humble man, he is broke, he drinks like there is no tomorrow because that is where he drives his happiness. Finally you were lucky to found a responsible man, he is not romantic. He jumps up and down on the bed without satisfying you. Don't blame him, that is how God created him but you can change it if you can stop this good girl pretense syndrome. You see it is not easy to find a perfect man.
And men, it is also not easy to find a perfect woman because there is none like perfect woman or man. And note that not every woman or man you see in the church is a potential wife material or husband. Church is like a hospital, some ladies or men are responding to treatment and some are not. And some of you ladies that think that washing his clothes, or cleaning and cooking for him empresses men a lot, well that one is plus, but not really what men are truly looking for in a woman. Have you asked yourself why after doing all these things, he still seek another woman? Based on my opinion, I will say that the most important thing a man needed most from a woman is peace, a woman that will give him peace, secondly your loyalty. Men cherish women that are loyal to them.
Thirdly, encouragement, men like women that encourages him even when things are going bad. Encourage him, don't compare him with other people because you don't know the reason why things are like that. Fourthly, sex, if you satisfied your partner very well, there is no reason he will be looking outside. Many women are too boring on the bed, they thought that laying down on the bed like a dead person and allowing the man to jump up and down means he is sexually satisfied. I will advice you to stop pretending. If their is any style you know, give it to him. You need to move around and make your body more flexible to enjoy good sex. Fift, food, wow if you are good in cooking good meals, be rest assured that he will never eat outside because everywhere he is, the only thing he will be thinking about is to go home and eat your food.
In Conclusion, I will say to both men and women, please don't expect your partner to be a perfect person. But you can help him or her to become a perfect person. And If you are lucky enough to found somebody that is always there for you, never take that person for granted. Things are replaceable, good people are not. Look for one thing that he or she does better and do away with the rest of his or her weak side. Capitalize on the 20percent of his or her good side, use it to justify the remaining 80 percent of his or her weak side. Believe me if you can do all these, you will found peace in your home.
So if an average guy is knocking, without all these qualifications, they will ignore the person like as Linda Ikeji is claiming that she has been ignoring so many men because she cannot marry a poor man. Don't you know that a poor man today can be a rich man tomorrow? If Obasanjo can come out from the prison and became a president and a rich man today, why do you think that you can predict tomorrow? Even those rich men you are looking for, do you know their backgrounds?. Some of them were poor, some their parents were the poorest people in their villages. And these are the reasons many ladies end up being single because they have missed the perfect man God has destined for them. And the moment they get to 35years and above, you will see the desperation in some of them.
Linda Ikeji thinks she will be beautiful forever, when she is 40 and plus, her tone will change to "I can marry any man that God wants me to marry". Believe me there are some evil spirit that is manipulating these girls because all those men that are taking them to Oriental, Eko hotel to sleep with them, buys cars and houses to them and all of you are forming big girls. Don't you know that they have been taking your lock in the spiritual realm? One girl I met one certain time told me, let's go and have a dinner at Oriental Hotel, stay at the pool side and drink some cocktails maybe we can spend a night there if I want. And this was a girl I was planing to settle down with. I told her that instead of me to pay 60,000 a night at the Oriental hotel, I wil give it to you to take little care of yourself. If you sleep there today, tomorrow will you be able to sleep there again. I live in Europe, so all those things doesn't empress me. Some of you are living a fake life, that is why most of you end up meeting a wrong guy that lives a fake and borrowed life.
Come on ladies let us tell ourselves the simple truth about men, all of you in this your day dream need to change. You can never find a perfect man in this world. If you are looking for mr right or a perfect man, believe me. You will wait for the rest of your life and yet you will not be able to see that kind of man. Same thing applies to men. Please men if you are looking for miss right or a perfect woman, you can never find a miss right or a perfect woman in this world. All you need is to ask God to give you a man or a woman that can understand and tolerate you. I know you will be asking how do I find this kind of man or woman that will understand and tolerate me? It is in your door step. You have seen or met that man in your life before but because you were only capitalizing on the weak side of the man or the in perfect side of the man, you could not wait to see the perfect side of the man. That is why, your relationship with some of them crashed. There are things you need to remove from the meat before you can eat the meat.
Finding a perfect man for marriage is very difficult because, sometimes when you found a handsome man, don't be surprised that his brain is empty or he is a player. You mistakenly found a brilliant and an educated man, he feels he is always right making the relationship more complicated. You found a rich man, he is disrespectful, he hardly has time for you because there are other girls that are competing with you so he believes most of you are only carried away with his wealth. Sometimes, he might take you to the best restaurants, do shopping for you, take you to the best hotel in town, take you to a lunch at Oriental hotel, or Eko hotel but does he respect you? Or do you think respect is only when a man is praising you with sweet words and gifts? No you are getting it all wrong. When a man is doing that for the past 6 months to 2years, you are only his sex slave. You know men are greedy in terms of women, they don't want to leave you, and they don't want to marry you. All he does is to keep you even if the only option is to be buying you some gift, he will gladly do it.
You found an illiterate man, he gets angry each time you correct him. You found a smart man, he lies every time. You might wonder why some men lie? Men lie to women because women fall in love for what they hear, that is why men lie to them. Then you found a humble man, he is broke, he drinks like there is no tomorrow because that is where he drives his happiness. Finally you were lucky to found a responsible man, he is not romantic. He jumps up and down on the bed without satisfying you. Don't blame him, that is how God created him but you can change it if you can stop this good girl pretense syndrome. You see it is not easy to find a perfect man.
And men, it is also not easy to find a perfect woman because there is none like perfect woman or man. And note that not every woman or man you see in the church is a potential wife material or husband. Church is like a hospital, some ladies or men are responding to treatment and some are not. And some of you ladies that think that washing his clothes, or cleaning and cooking for him empresses men a lot, well that one is plus, but not really what men are truly looking for in a woman. Have you asked yourself why after doing all these things, he still seek another woman? Based on my opinion, I will say that the most important thing a man needed most from a woman is peace, a woman that will give him peace, secondly your loyalty. Men cherish women that are loyal to them.
Thirdly, encouragement, men like women that encourages him even when things are going bad. Encourage him, don't compare him with other people because you don't know the reason why things are like that. Fourthly, sex, if you satisfied your partner very well, there is no reason he will be looking outside. Many women are too boring on the bed, they thought that laying down on the bed like a dead person and allowing the man to jump up and down means he is sexually satisfied. I will advice you to stop pretending. If their is any style you know, give it to him. You need to move around and make your body more flexible to enjoy good sex. Fift, food, wow if you are good in cooking good meals, be rest assured that he will never eat outside because everywhere he is, the only thing he will be thinking about is to go home and eat your food.
In Conclusion, I will say to both men and women, please don't expect your partner to be a perfect person. But you can help him or her to become a perfect person. And If you are lucky enough to found somebody that is always there for you, never take that person for granted. Things are replaceable, good people are not. Look for one thing that he or she does better and do away with the rest of his or her weak side. Capitalize on the 20percent of his or her good side, use it to justify the remaining 80 percent of his or her weak side. Believe me if you can do all these, you will found peace in your home.
The views expressed on this article are solely the authors opinion and I take the responsibility of what I have said here and it might differ with your own views, which is understandable.
Written By,
P O, Iwuama.
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